• Dave Earley


Every marriage counselor has seen it time and again. Too often the wife is guilty of trying to win battles, but she ends up losing the war. She gets into a pattern of approaching her husband with nagging, reminding, correcting, arguing, and manipulating with anger, in order to get him to not work late, to spend more time with the kids, to not forget things, and to do more around the house. Yet she loses the war, because instead of inspiring him to love her more, these little tactics only drive him to love her less. They make him feel disrespected and they shut off his heart.

No husband wants to feel as if his wife’s goal in life is to fix him, train him, or change him. No husband wants to be corrected, instructed, nagged, yelled at, or mothered into submission to his wife.

Wise wives stop trying to fix, train, or change their husbands. Instead they show them respect.


“Okay, I see what the Bible says about respecting my husband,” a wife sincerely asked me. “But how do I do it? Could you spell it out for me?”

I took the acrostic R-E-S-P-E-C-Tand combined it with a husband’s deepest needs. She was wise enough to do the rest.

R:Recognizehis God-given desire to work and achieve. God made your husband to be as passionate about his job as you are passionate about the children. Support his attempts to do well.

E:Esteemhighly his God-given need to protect and provide. Never devalue his income or efforts to provide for you and your family.

S:Salute his attempts to show spiritual leadership in your marriage, family, and church .Let him make the call and learn to trust God for the results. Realize that he will not always do it your way, but that may be a good thing.

P:Provide for his need for sexual fulfillment.Accept the fact that his sexual needs are different from yours. As long as his needs aren’t fully met, it will be very difficult for him to meet your emotional needs for love.

E: Eliminate nagging, reminding, correcting, arguing, and manipulating with anger. These tactics will only close his heart.

C:Connect with him as a friend and a recreational companion. Men are energized by and communicate through shared experiences, more than by talking about them.

T: Thank God for your husband and thank your husband for his attempts to show you love. Every man wants to see himself as a great lover, even though he is not. If he feels that his efforts are appreciated, he will be motivated to try more often.

From the book Biblical Marriage. Order Here.

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